Saturday, August 30, 2008

Sharing the secret with the world

Until a few months ago, I felt I have a lifelong secret that's connected to my personality and should be kept hidden inside me since it's not considered "normal". Therefore it could harm my image in general and my chances for more serious friendships and relationships. 

Well, I still feel I should not come out completely with my dual personality (I mean in my real life), but sharing my thoughts and feelings seem to help me and others to understand what's going on with ourselves and what can be achieved. On the net I've learned a lot about crossdressers, transsexuals and gender issues in general but also about kinky stuff like chastity and orgasm denial games for both males and females. I've discovered there are so many interesting and fun things that are far from being "normal" that I no longer feel I should feel ashamed about anything that crosses my mind.

Creating this blog and sharing my videos on YouTube and other places gained me an amazing amount of attention and honest talk. My videos have been viewed more than 125 000 times and hundreds of messages and comments make me certain that people are curious and pleased to read and see honest experiences. I even got nice comments from girls and that makes me very happy as I feel we are not limited to the understanding and friendliness of our own gender only. It's important since I'm into heterosexual partnerships and I'm still waiting for my ideal girl to appear in my sight. Despite my kinky experiments and unusual behavior I am pretty confident among women. I just figured there's more fun in life that just acting like one gender or another. 

New videos - but not for everyone

Anyway, if you read my blog you already know that in my feminization experience I've gone farther than just crossressing. I was thinking a lot about showing more but at first I didn't want to be too graphic. On the other hand I've got many requests even from straight but curious guys to show more. Since my female side is so kinky and shameless that she feels bad not to show what makes her - and possibly some others - so aroused, I decided to share some uncensored videos with all of you who are interested. They might be tacky or just too graphic, I hope it will not disappoint you.

YouTube is not the appropriate place for such movies so I've uploaded them to other places. You can find the links on the right at the weblinks section.

I had to have a break... my kinky experience since a good friend of mine had to moved in to my apartment. I don't know how long she'll stay but I'm not able to live continuously as Christine for some time for sure.

I wanted to be friendly and calm so a week after my last post I suspended the experiment and masturbated two or three times a week. As usual my urge to crossdress faded away and I was back to normal. 

I didn't feel upset since my friend is more important. On the other hand I happened to discover that while being a full time man with regular masturbation is so much easier but also much less pleasing and sexually satisfying than being chaste as a man and enjoying my femininity and the mini orgasms from anal stimulation. At least this is how I feel without having a sexy girlfriend who would radiate more femininity then me.

Back in the game again

While I'm still just occassionally able to dress like Christine wants, for over a week now I'm in male chastity again and playing body and anal games only. It's amazing! Whenever I see a porn scene or even just a beautiful naked girl, my body shivers and I get the same feeling in my stomach that you feel when you're in love. Of course my ability to focus on the everyday tasks has weakened at some degree as I'm experiencing an almost constant state of arousal. 

I'm going for six whole weeks in this state as I've heard that this is the ideal timeframe for experiencing the maximum effects of male chastity and the increasing arousal. After that time - they say - the body adjusts to the reduced sexual strain and you start to loose interest in sexual fantasies. And that's really not what I want! :)

As you can see I've got a lot of nice and interesting comments and tons of messages on YouTube, so next time I'm going to write about my thoughts regarding to my friendly audience. 

Friday, June 27, 2008

Whoa... I squirt like a bitch!

I was right and it all goes better than I thought. One week passed and I managed to leave my dick untouched without even the slightest feeling of frustration. OK, I played with myself in other ways on every day this week. But as my general arousal increases I feel so much pleasure caressing my nipples and my whole body that whenever I start penetrating myself with a massive dildo sticked to the floor I feel like being in heaven for 20-30 minutes. This could be a similar thing that girls feel while being fucked at the right angle and speed. 

I was right, the key to all this is to completely avoid any penis stimulation and not just for the session but entirely during the experimental period. I've never felt this good before, except for the time I had sex with girls I was very deeply in love with. Simple sex act of any other kind doesn't feel this good. So this must be an emotional, hormonal or whatever thing. 

The juice of the week

In this almost constant aroused state, after about 10 minutes of constant ramming I experience a very strong contraction in my lower abdomen and I squirt like those chicks in the movies where they have their g-spot stimulated through their pussies or asses. The fluid that comes out is mostly pee with some prostate fluid in it. However, it's not a real orgasm, it's a very strong and wonderful thing but without the final relieving feeling that a regular orgasm causes. But that is what makes it special. I can continue to have more of this as long as I almost pass out and I need to rest.

I've got one more thing that heightens my arousal very much. Whenever I enjoy riding the dildo I usually watch porn movie scenes where extremely pretty girls are rammed in their ass for a long time without touching their clits or pussies. It's not the guy or his dick what I enjoy seeing in these scenes, but the facial expressions of these female beauties and the noises and groanings they make. I try to imagine what they might feel and I try to feel the same. 

This whole thing really works. I think I'm getting closer to what I want to achieve. I want to practice more, even this is already much more than what I expected...

Friday, June 20, 2008

No more regular orgasms

In order to taste female sexuality, I knew I have to cut back on orgasms of the male type. For the last two months I only had one orgasm per week. I almost immediately felt the difference. I am much more sensitive for light touches and feel aroused by more things than before. (As an interesting side effect, I also seem more attractive for women in public. I get more eye contact and attention. Too bad, I have to experiment with all these alone...)

However, to take my experiment to the next level I decided to go for a month or even longer without regular masturbation. The only way to please myself sexually is fondling and anal masturbation with a dildo. I'm not going to touch my genital area for that period. I expect that as there will be no genital stimulation at all, my whole body and the anal area will be more and more sexually sensitive and it will give me more pleasure as time goes by. I discovered that when I am aroused enough, my nipples are quite sensitive for touching and twisting so that could add to my general arousal as well.

I'm looking forward for the upcoming weeks along with my ever increasing horniness...

How does female sexuality feel like?

I think men and woman have a lot of things in common sexually but we use our body quite differently. Penis is clitoris, prostate is g-spot and these all can be used for achieving orgasms with enough stimulation. Men almost always get concentrated stimulation in their penis so they can get to a pleasing and relieving orgasm relatively fast. 

If stroking a cock is like rubbing a clit, and men and women both have a sensitive spot somewhere inside, there has to be a way for men to be pleased with being penetrated like women are. OK, men have no vagina and gays already know the trick for quite a long time, but what I saw or heard from them and from others like shemales or experimenting straight guys, they usually stroke their cock for orgasms and that's not the same. Sexually charged women can cum just from being penetrated vaginally and many of them anally as well.

For men - from childhood masturbation to adult sex - the mechanism remains almost the same, so "the wires are connected firmly".

An important part of my experiment is to try to reconnect those wires.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The beginning of the story

My feminine side and foot fetishism

I am 30+ years old male, who has a slightly oversexed female side as well. Even from my early childhood I'm passionately in love with female body and sexy feminine style, so I must have been a lesbian woman in my previous life :-) I'm neither gay nor bisexual since I'm not attracted to men in any way, so that is something else for sure. Whenever I had a girlfriend I never felt the need to express my femme side, I always lived very healthy relationships. So it seems I just always need femininity around me in one way or another.

Throughout the years I started to discover that since I have a pretty fortunate slim body, there's a way to please myself anytime with an almost perfect feminine look. I started to crossdress occassionally. I'm especially attracted to nice legs and feet, so that's what I've mainly focused on in my crossdressing sessions.

Crossdressing vs masturbation

When I had no girlfriend but needed the closeness of femininity, I often masturbated while being crossdressed. But right after having an orgasm I suddenly felt the urge to crossdress to fade completely. For 1-2 days my feminine side seemed to be gone, but then it started over again. Those mood swings made me a bit confused and I felt myself somewhat unbalanced. I tried to give up crossdressing completely but then I missed the feminine sexuality that very few girls have or capable to offer. So instead of giving up crossdressing I decided to give up masturbation or at least to reduce it significantly. 

The sex change experiment

A few months ago I've started an exciting experiment. When I am at home I live my life totally as my feminine side wishes, I give my body to that kinky slut I've always lived with in my mind. I want to see what feelings and acts come up during this period.

Luckily I'm working at home so I can dress super sexy even in working hours. I shave my whole body almost daily, so I have nice smooth skin everywhere. I paint my toenails deep red and keep them that way 24/7 in order to secretly remind myself who I am at home. I wear toerings and very thin (8 den) pantyhose or stockings. Over the years I'm trained to wear and walk in sexy sandals with 6 inch high heels, so I can wear those throughout the day every day and it keeps me aroused instead of feeling tired. I wear minidress and g-string but I do not apply makeup or wear wigs (except for taking some photos) as I never show up in public. I don't want to trick people, I just want to please myself with feminine look and feelings at home.

I call my female side Christine. I give her everything that she needs to express and please herself except for my penis, because a male orgasm would ruin the whole thing. She will not get another real man's penis either. She needs to find another way to please herself sexually...

I will keep you posted from time to time about what I do and feel regarding to this experiment. I hope some curious audience will make my efforts last as long as possible.